You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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