I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
The air was thick with penises
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
