rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
