even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
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