i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
