I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
