You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
