I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize