I think i peed on brittanys purse
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
