She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Can you bring me the toilet please
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
