Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
