I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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