You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
