Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
