i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize