I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
