She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
