1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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