just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
