I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
