Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
