Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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