Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I lost the right to judge tonight
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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