we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
