I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
