Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
