So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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