There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
