That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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