Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I need to stop coming to work sober
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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