You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Randomize
