There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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