My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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