party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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