sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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