The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
