so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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