I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
