I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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