I feel like I'm in dance class right now
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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