They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
