she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
