Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
