Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize