My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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