We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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