i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
