You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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