How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
