do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
