Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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