Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
