it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
