He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
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