I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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