Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
