Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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