I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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