She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
