and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
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