You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
