i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize