I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
