don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
