the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
