One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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