I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I think my fart just growled at me.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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