What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Randomize
