her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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