look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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