Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
