Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
he quoted the bible to break up with me
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Randomize
