Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
