Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
